Long, long days Saturday, July 9, 2011

First-job was very hard today. The thought of it makes me sad and depressed, so I haven’t really much to say.

I wrote 1200 words exactly tonight (ceiling until Angel called him for dinner) and would have written more except for the above statement about sadness and depression. I have not reason to be, but I just am.

There’s just so much to do…

I quit my piano lessons today, though I really didn’t want to quit. I think it’s just difficult coming to realization that I really can’t do all the things that I want to do. And given my nature as a spoiled brat, I really don’t want hear that.

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Time to think about it. Friday, July 8, 2011

I go through these rushes where I look over anything I’ve written with such disdain that I want to cut everything. Every scene is ridiculous, none of the prose makes any sense and all the dialogue is boring.

Then, however, I take a little time away from it and take some time to think about it and suddenly, everything is much clearer. The scenes make sense and dialogue is apt.

I think this is what I needed at this point in Damen. I’ve been writing now every single day of my life for the past five months and I know that every once in a while, I need a night to just clear my head and think properly. That’s what I’ve given myself with my new posting timeline. If I need a night to just read or play Rock Band, then so be it. Writing daily is too far ingrained in my psyche at this point for me to go back to the dark times of allowing days and then weeks and then months to pass without touching my book.

I wrote 278 words (Nana Avery and, as always, Brit) tonight and while I’m glad that I’ve finally found the balance I need between life and writing, I’m deeply saddened to realize that it’s time to quit the piano lessons.

I’m far too old to go on paying for something that I often don’t want to do and just because I quit now doesn’t mean that I can’t pick up the lessons later, when life seems a bit calmer and I can devote more time to it. While Damen, and now Jill, encompass so much of my life, I simply can’t move this little hobby to the foreground. I feel like a failure for quitting, but this doesn’t mean that I have to stop attempting to play every few days or so. Phew…it’s taken me far too long to come to this realization, but I already feel better for it…

Viva La Gloria! Monday, June 20, 2011

by Green Day ~ 21st Century Breakdown

I didn’t do much this weekend. I didn’t play much Rock Band, I didn’t finish the chapter, I didn’t go to church and I didn’t go to my piano lesson…like a punk and failure.

Despite being in a sour mood, I managed to do a fair bit writing tonight and wrote 603 words (and she nodded. “Yeah. That’d be nice), though I still didn’t finish the scene that now feels like it’s been dragging on for ages at this point.

I don’t know what I’ll do for the rest of the night as I’m in the mood for nothing but staring at a blank wall and trying not to think of all the talent I waste by doing nothing. The best thing of all is I’ve somehow got to muster the drive to go to first-job tomorrow…

Blank again Sunday, June 19, 2011

It’s odd to feel so drained and devoid of emotion and thought…so blank, especially after I’ve just spent some time researching some of Jackson Pollock’s art. I think one has to completely clear the mind to try and analyze art, but sometimes, it’s a bit difficult to get the engine started again.

I wrote 287 words tonight (at one another, but nodded simultaneously). I don’t know what I’ll do about my piano lesson tomorrow as I’ve not really had a chance to practice practiced much this week. I suppose I’ll just cross that bridge when I get there tomorrow.

Day one…and nothing’s done Monday, June 6, 2011

I think the title sounds like the beginning verse of a song. I’m imagining a Lisa Loeb type voice singing it, too. But, then again, I’m not a song writer…still I think I’ll add this to my AwesomeNote just in case further inspiration strikes later in the week.

As the title indicates, on Day 1 of my vacation, I’ve accomplished absolutely nothing. I’ve got a few more Green Day Rock Band achievements under my belt and I went to my piano lesson today and even made some progress while there, but as far as the housework, etc….as the title states: Day one…and nothing’s done.

I’d like to say that I will start a tonne of work and writing tonight, but that would be just dishonest to myself. I’ve paused my Rock Band game to write 292 words (this kind of bul***t on me just to get his rocks off) and post tonight and my fourth disc of Frasier Season 6 has arrived, so if I even pretend that I’ll be doing something worthwhile tonight, I’ll just be kidding myself.

And, on it goes Thursday, June 2, 2011

Tonight, I wrote some of Damen (surprise, surprise) and eventually added the second of just two songs that “appear” in the novel. To show the depths to which my new music adoration has grown, the song in mind is the title of my previous post. Of course, I didn’t realize this until I started to write just now, but I find it fascinating what new music does to my psyche and my writing.

Once again this week, I’ll have to rise at the crack of dawn (for me, at least) to complete some work on yet another project for first-job. I’m so exhausted that, where previously I just wanted a vacation, I seriously need a vacation at this point.

I did something rather interesting in terms of goals, however. When I started getting ready for work this morning, I realized I didn’t have time to play the piano, so I told myself that I’d play later in the evening. Well, the evening came and brought extreme exhaustion with it, but I did the miraculous and with the same determination I gathered in February when I was forcing myself to write a little each night, I dragged myself downstairs (though, I was wrapped in my blanket and happily dozing) and sat at the piano to play some scales.

Like yesterday morning, I played with my eyes closed until I could entice my body to wake just enough to play a new song and I even broke out the first song that I learned to play and loved. I played it at least four times and played with my eyes closed for most of the time. I then dragged myself back upstairs and forced myself to write 394 words (the moment he found an Internet connection.).

Despite the fatigue and the pain rippling through my feet, I had a really good day to day…Thank you, Jesus. I really needed to come to this conclusion tonight.