I go through these rushes where I look over anything I’ve written with such disdain that I want to cut everything. Every scene is ridiculous, none of the prose makes any sense and all the dialogue is boring.
Then, however, I take a little time away from it and take some time to think about it and suddenly, everything is much clearer. The scenes make sense and dialogue is apt.
I think this is what I needed at this point in Damen. I’ve been writing now every single day of my life for the past five months and I know that every once in a while, I need a night to just clear my head and think properly. That’s what I’ve given myself with my new posting timeline. If I need a night to just read or play Rock Band, then so be it. Writing daily is too far ingrained in my psyche at this point for me to go back to the dark times of allowing days and then weeks and then months to pass without touching my book.
I wrote 278 words (Nana Avery and, as always, Brit) tonight and while I’m glad that I’ve finally found the balance I need between life and writing, I’m deeply saddened to realize that it’s time to quit the piano lessons.
I’m far too old to go on paying for something that I often don’t want to do and just because I quit now doesn’t mean that I can’t pick up the lessons later, when life seems a bit calmer and I can devote more time to it. While Damen, and now Jill, encompass so much of my life, I simply can’t move this little hobby to the foreground. I feel like a failure for quitting, but this doesn’t mean that I have to stop attempting to play every few days or so. Phew…it’s taken me far too long to come to this realization, but I already feel better for it…