I HAVE been writing Friday, March 9, 2012

I know it does not look like it from the lack of posts, but really a lack of posting at this stage in the book simply means that I’ve spent more of my time focused on writing.

I’ve got maybe ten chapters left of this thing. I had only nine, but then I split one chapter into two and I’m certain I’m bound to do the same before the end, but I’m just so close.

The notes for the doc damen29-end (as in Damen chapter 29 through the end) was less than 14K words when I first started it. That 14K worth of notes is littered with mostly complete dialogue and prose so I know I’m close…so very close.

I’ve got Jill and Reruns popping up in my dreams now and my thoughts come back to them and even Luka or Evan or even Annie more often than focusing on Damen. Just yesterday, I “saw” Jill and how she interacted with her friends and realized that I would be making her far more like myself than I had done with Brit…but this is just the flow of my mind; a mind so anxious to move onto other projects that it makes me want to cry that I’m just so close to finishing Damen.

When I was young, I used to get mad when a TV show I liked ended or changed drastically because one of the actors got bored and left the show. I never used to understand it. How could they do that? Didn’t they care about the overall story? What about the people who’ve watched this since Day 1? Lately, however, I get it. There comes a point in a project, any project, where you’re just so…over it.

I love Damen. I’ve loved creating these characters and imagining this world where they interact together, but I’m soooo ready to move on because I’m just so close to the end. So close…

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Whitney… Saturday, February 11, 2012

This post was going to be about all my struggles to write this week (I wrote 2041 words today) and how I’ve finally decided that I’m really going to buy a house in 2012, so I’ve been insanely frugal in the past few days, but that’s not going to happen tonight. Maybe tomorrow, if I get to it.

Whitney Houston passed today. I’m not sure what it is about celebrity deaths and why we, all those who had ever heard of them, are suddenly sent up in arms over there. Most of the Whitney Houston I saw during my life was Bobby Brown-tainted, but when I hear her voice and hear her name, the first thing that comes to mind is the first true gospel music I ever owned.

Years ago, when I first got saved, I, like countless others before me, went through this phase when all I wanted to listen to was gospel music. Trouble was, I had none of it and even though I still hadn’t really considered pirating gospel stealing back then, I didn’t even know where to start. All I had as far as gospel music went was The Preacher’s Wife soundtrack, in which I fell in love shortly after seeing the film for the first time. The soundtrack is probably some of finest gospel music to be found and I stand by that even years later. At some point in listening to Psalm 23 by her mother, I realized that I was with Christ for life and listened to nothing but this album for weeks upon and weeks. Eventually, Christian music experience expanded and I graduated into Christian Rock and R&B, but that album has always been my favorite.

When I think of Whitney Houston, I think of this music and her melodious voice making the Lord’s praises sound so amazing that even those furthest removed from Christ could not hear them without thinking, “My God.”

Tonight, at least, will be spent devouring her music, not unlike what happened when Michael Jackson passed, but most of all, I will be singing along with her as she sings God’s praises well into the morning. Rest in peace Whitney Houston. You’re in God’s arms now.

Google + what = boredom? Monday, July 11, 2011

So, I received a Google+ invite today and we found it amusing that in order to use it properly, it seemed we had to message one another on Facebook to tell the other to go see what we posted on Google+. There’s something flawed in this… I suppose it will catch on eventually once more people get started, but unless they’re offering a ton of things that Facebook hasn’t got, it may take a while. For one, I’ve grown accustomed to my auto-updates from RockBand.com and Goodreads on my Facebook, so that my friends and acquaintances can see what kind of nerd I am. It’s going to take some time before G+ hits this level of ubiquity, but the fact that there’s no Farmville or Cityville invites driving me crazy is a +1.

I’ve found a little bit of a boost today as I finished Chapter 18 of Damen. When I first started the re-writes of Chapters 13 and 14, it was just for those two. Then I ventured into Chapter 15 and found that I wanted to change the entire structure of the next chapter as well. Eventually, the next chapter fell in line with the same level of edits and now, instead of two chapters per Word doc, I’m looking at now 5 of them instead. The good thing, as I keep telling myself, is that I got another chapter under my belt and I’m “this” much closer to finishing the novel.

By now, I’ve done about 15 chapters in the past seventh months, which isn’t anything grand, but considering that none of these chapters are less than 5K words and I’ve gone at the agonizingly slow pace of around 300 or so words a night, I’d say I’ve accomplished something.

I wrote 2672 words today (and added Brit as a friend again) and – phew! – I finished another chapter. I’m not filled with the usual glee I normally get when I complete a chapter, but I think it’s just the fatigue.

Babies Saturday, April 9, 2011

A friend of mine had a baby girl today. I’m planning to see the one-month old daughter of another friend on Monday. I spent the majority of this afternoon celebrating my soon-to-be, err…fourth-cousin/nephew/extended family member with a baby shower; he’s due in another month. I see pictures on Facebook daily of the new babies and expected babies of other friends, family, church family and co-workers. To be honest, I’m a little tired of babies.

I get the appeal of them and I understand that I should feel blessed if I were to ever have one of my own, but whatever maternal instinct all girls supposedly have, I lack and right now, if I even see another baby, I may just go out and get my tubes tied just on principle.

That said, I still have this hope for an ideal family in the back of my mind where I’ll be married and the mother of three children (either two boys and girl or all boys) who I’ll home school because I don’t want their education to be as stunted as mine was even in private school and good public schools. So, perhaps I’m just a little irritated that my biological clock has suddenly started to tick so loud that it’s getting difficult to hear anything else.

Anyway, apart of hearing about, reading about and cooing about babies today, I managed to do an amazing amount of writing today. I was just really in the zone today and reached that place where I know I need to stop and rest, but I simply can’t stop writing. I love that place…a lot. I wrote 2020 words today (and he did not hear another word from her.) and made a ton of progress in Chapter 14, to the point that I may even finish it this week or before the next weekend.

Lofty aspiration aside, I did spend the majority of this evening playing Guitar Hero and trying to up my Gamerscore which, since I only have a few Xbox games, can barely reach into 12,000, but I’m just over 10% of that score which is pretty pathetic considering how much time I spend playing all these games and how exhausting they are. Expert Tour is ridiculously taxing and so is playing Call of Duty on the Wii. I stand playing Guitar Hero, Rock Band and most Wii games, so while I get the added bonus of burning off a few extra calories by standing for two or three hours straight, I definitely feel drained and dizzy when I pull myself away from the game. I’ll still be spending a good portion of the night (since I’m a big nerd) playing Fable II, but as an RPG, I know I won’t over-exert myself.

Sigh…

Enough of this Dear Diary post…back to gaming – I mean writing.

Long days Monday, February 28, 2011

Since I made it to church on a day when they handed out the next month’s church calendar, I was moved with the urge to update the church website, which had needed work since at least September 2010! Once I begin coding, however, I enter this phase where I want to edit every page I’ve ever created on the Internet and so, made updates to my main site, added a blog post to my Dorienne’s Log (albeit it was copied from this one, but it’s hard to write for two separate blogs like that) and also added an awkward post to my diet “journey” blog.

At the end of all these updates, I still felt like there was something better I should have been doing with my time…like writing.

A long while I ago, I realized that every word written in an online forum was one word I wasn’t writing in my novel. This helped me break some of my obsession with posting to SVU, X-Files, Sims and whatever else was under the sun forums, but I still get sidetracked quiet easily and quite often. It doesn’t take much.

Today’s sidetrack and long-dayness was part wonderful and part annoying. The wonderful part was meeting little baby Reagan – so wonderful! The annoying part was waiting to get my braids done. All in all, my long day has ended well, especially since I was able to wrap some notes made earlier in the day into some worthwhile prose and dialogue.

Today, I managed to write 2413 words (he could hear the entire conversation). Tomorrow, is March 1st and so I need to set another goal for the month.

January 2011 was just posting something every day to hold myself accountable. February 2011 has been about writing something every day. March 2011 will be about…

…

…

…

…word count. I know myself very well, however, and I have no desires to see myself fail for something as simple as not reaching a word count when I’ve come this far. In four months, I’ve completed nearly seven chapters wheres it took eleven months of 2010 to write three and a half, so in the spirit of not deterring myself, but keeping the momentum going, I’ll set the goal at 250 words a night.

I want to eventually say to myself that the goal is to stop using the “500 less” tag for a month, but just being able to say that I’ve gone 28 days without using the “None” tag is something and I don’t want the little goals to hinder the big ones. As my pastor would say, I need to remember to keep the main thing, the main thing.

Brendon’s Camera Friday, February 18, 2011

by Brendon Small ~ Home Movies Bonus CD

I can no longer come up with decent titles again.

Well, since I have been writing since I got home this evening, I managed 2516 words (me mad and I just blurted out whatever.”) which should make up a bit of my non-writing yesterday.

I did another sketch. This time I tried to create Ben’s body as well as that of another manga-ish character. It was mediocre at best, but I think if I keep practicing, I may have something worthwhile.

I haven’t got much else to say other than I’m finally at the part when Damen and Brit are getting to know each other. Such fun! 🙂

Fukai Mori (Deep Forest) Wednesday, February 9, 2011

~ Do As Infinity (2nd InuYasha ending theme)

I went home early from first-job today out of complete exhaustion and pain. I tried not to sleep because I haven’t been sleeping well and I didn’t want to sleep all day, only to screw up my already haphazard sleep schedule. It didn’t matter though; I ended up writing a little, watching InuYasha a little and sleeping a lot.

I’m still wretchedly exhausted. I just wanted to finish this chapter, but I’m so tired that I’m starting to feel that ache that runs through my body when I hit my limit.

Throughout all of today I managed to write 2505 words (wondered if Zach had been shooting his entire life.), but still didn’t finish Chapter Ten.

Maybe tomorrow…

Chapter Nine Thursday, January 13, 2011

…not bankruptcy.

I knew this chapter was going to be a doozy since I saw that it was a rather large file, without even going into the gritty edits, but after reading through what I had for Nine and Ten, I actually feel a lot better about what’s coming.

Normally, I read what’s ready to edit in a new chapter and I want to quit before I even get started. Today, however, I’m pleasantly surprised.

I managed to finish Chapter Eight, after midnight, writing until it became difficult to see. I completed 1717 words to finish Chapter Eight and then came home tonight and wrote! I ended up writing another 936 words for a total of 2653 in one day. 🙂

I love the end of Chapter Eight. I do this whole blur between Damen reading The Catcher in the Rye and being a part of what he reads. It’s not often I look at something I wrote and say, “Crap! That was awesome!” but the end of Chapter Eight fits that in spades. Hours later, I think I’m still just surprised that it works so well…I only hope others will be able to understand what I wrote. This could very well be a step into written insanity, but awesome written insanity.

I’m about to finish Damen’s musings about Corey, Brian and Zach in Chapter Nine and I just finished adding Corey’s rant about the 2008 candidates. Huckabee was the hardest to add. I thought Obama would be the most difficult since I had to make sure Corey noted that he was a poor choice, but not immediately because of race, but my own voice came out in Corey and the Obama rant went without pausing my fingers. Poking fun at Huckabee, however, proved far more difficult. I settled with “Huck-a-what!” but it was between that and “Huck-a-bee better to sit down” and thought the former made a little more sense.

I had a great day today! I finished a chapter, made it work on time, did some laundry and came home and wrote just like an aspiring writer should.

Now, if I can just make it through Friday…