I am kaitco

a writer's log

Awakened at September’s end Friday, September 30, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — kaitco @ 11:34 pm

It’s four days past my birthday and I’ve not got the novel as complete as I’d like to have it at this point. That’s fine though. This is what I’ve been telling myself since 5:08pm on the 26th. “That’s fine though.”

One of the agents to whom I’d planned to send my novel has now stopped accepting manuscripts for the rest of the year, but I’d ultimately planned to start sending query letters in April 2012, so “that’s fine though.”

I’m at the end of my vacation and more relaxed than I was previous to travel, but I’m still rather annoyed by the TSA and further distraught that I’ve no means of complaint as, in that matter, I’m one small ant drowning in the Atlantic as I try to voice my displeasures. That’s fine though.

I’ve recently finished Persuasion again and have been watching the film adaptation almost every night for the last week or so. I love it so dearly and I’m feeling that something must be done about this. And…that’s fine though.


Leaving Thursday, September 29, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — kaitco @ 11:33 pm

The sky is very grey and it’s drizzling; it’s not looked so sad outside since the first time I had to leave New England as a child.

The drive from the Cape was ridiculous and seemed even longer than the drive from it and I’ve just now realized that I’ve forgotten the 15.00 sunglasses I bought in Provincetown that were precisely the style I’ve longed to find for ages now…in the damn rental car…This day was dreary indeed.


Dorienne the prognosticator Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — kaitco @ 11:32 pm

I can’t remember how old I was when these started, but I’ve long since had what I’ll call an “ability,” for lack of a better word, to sort of see things before they happen.

This little gift has proven far from useful since I’m not one to really believe in that sort of thing and also since these visions are never of any use since they aren’t clear until they actually happen.

The perfect example of this happened recently while we were on the whale watch. Late Monday, I started to get this premonition that my phone was going to slide out of a hand and then there was going to be a giant splash of water caused by the phone. This was all the “vision” brought to my mind’s eye. Not when this would happen or anything about the events leading up to this or even bits about the aftermath; nothing useful, but all this nothing just weighed upon my mind all day on Tuesday.

So, when I got on the boat, I made certain that my phone was wedged deep into my pocket, but even then, I still could not shake the feeling of what I’d “seen.” The phone was nearly stuck in my pocket, but (standing far from the railing), I struggled to remove it and finally put it in my bag and zipped the bag shut to keep the phone from somehow slipping from my hands and falling into the water.

This vision, however, continued even after I’d got off the boat and even into dinner, when we were far from the water.

I tried to push away all thoughts of the premonition while at dinner and used my phone to show my mother a particularly hilarious xkcd (http://xkcd.com/954/). She laughed at the comic and as she was handing the phone back to me, it slipped from her hand, caught the edge of my fairly tall cranberry juice and Sprite with lemon mix, causing it to fall over and send a shower of juice and ice all over the table, the nearby wall and my jeans. Shortly after we’d laughed about this, I stopped getting my little vision.

I suppose later in life, when I’m old and most people consider me unstable, this ability will become useful, but for now, it’s just a pain. What good are super-powers if I’ve no idea how to channel them?!?


Watching Whales among other things Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — kaitco @ 11:31 pm

Today was truly a vacation day. We went on a whale watch and walked on the beach a bit before exploring the outer Cape in the car. This was all before my mother nearly had the hotel staff breakdown my door because she thought I was lying dead or dying in my room, but that’s another story for another day.

For the past few nights, I’ve not managed to study prior to writing, but tonight, I got the job done. Perhaps all I needed was a little rest; a little time away from my ordinary life.


Birthday Monday, September 26, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — kaitco @ 11:30 pm

It’s my birthday. 27 years on this planet. Phew! The entire day was spent at the beach; not including sleeping in and not getting breakfast until about 1pm. Such a glorious day to be spent just sitting with my feet in the sand with only the sounds of the ocean to lull me into a perfect calm.

While I’ve not done an incredible amount of writing today, I still feel invigorated by starting another year of life. I’m vowing myself to be a better adult today than I was on the proverbial yesterday and while I know I’ll trip up quite often like I have on so many other life’s endeavours, I’m just glad I’m able to make these mistakes and correct them.


Worry Friday, September 23, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — kaitco @ 11:29 pm

I wonder why I work as hard as I do. At the end of the day there’s no real benefit for myself and there’s still more work to do.
I’m worried if this trip is really going to happen. Furthermore, I’m worried about my dear grandmother’s health. This is the second time this year that I’ve sat up nights praying for a grandmother and I really don’t like it. I suppose this is what comes with adulthood, but I’m still not accustomed to it.


The boss Thursday, September 22, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — kaitco @ 11:27 pm

The other day, I heard my employees talking about Words With Friends and it occurred to me that they must all be friends on Facebook. I could not help, however, being a little hurt to realize that they all seemed to be Facebook friends, but were not friends with me. I know this is because, regardless of how friendly, amiable and open I try to be, I’m still their boss, with “control” over whether they get raises or remain employed.

In realizing all of this, I grew a little disgusted with myself because I don’t remember it being this way several months ago, but it’s a fact that I’ve got to get over if I expect to do anything with my life. As long as I continue my career at first-job, I’ll be someone’s boss and I can’t blame them for occasionally treating me like such. I know I most likely would not add my own boss as a friend on Facebook and I’ve declined friend requests from other past employees as well (though I’m a bit unsure why anyone would want to be Facebook friends with someone who fired them).

I suppose it’s just a bit jarring to realize that you’re one of “them” now. I’m one of the bosses. A part of it feels okay, but mostly the idea of it makes me a little queasy.

I think it comes as such a surprise to me because most of my employees are around my own age, so I don’t feel like the old mother hen over her chicks. In fact, with several of them, it’s a balance between remaining the “superior” and still respecting those are far older than me. It all goes back to adulthood jumping from out of nowhere to surprise me, I guess.

I wrote 588 words today (Why didn’t you just stay on the curb) and I’m finally starting to believe this book may get done after all. I remember writing the notes for scene I finished tonight years ago and I remember thinking that the scene had to take place much “later” in the book. Character personalities would have to have been established and a hint of the underlying message (for lack of a better word) would need to be already present in order for the scene to work…and yet it’s been done.


563 Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — kaitco @ 11:25 pm

A hard day fought is still a hard day. I told myself that I wouldn’t give it credence by mentioning it anywhere, but I can’t help myself sometimes.

I hate how the media is so crafty in its deception of the people and I hate how so many people can be sent the improper messages to the point of rallying them under a flag of ignorance.

Perhaps I’ve watched too much Law and Order (and this is probably true), but I can’t see how people can rally around a person who was in all actuality a lowlife who was caught beating a homeless man in the street for a single beer. This wasn’t an individual who was harmlessly driving to his suburban home after spending the day with Habitat for Humanity and was then pulled over by the police for no reason, only to act in self-defense. This was a man who ran from the police after performing crimes only the lowest of the low perform, shot and officer and then went back to make sure he was dead.

I don’t wish to cast that proverbial stone by saying that if he was low enough to beat a homeless man for a beer, then shooting a cop is certainly not beneath him, but I still say it’s worth noting. Twenty years have passed since this man was put on death row and my question to all the naysayers is what the heck have all these people been doing for the past twenty years? Why recant your statements now after multiple trials and hearings? Are you of so little strength of character that you allow yourself to be brow-beaten by the anti-death penalty crowd into saying something other than what you know to be fact? And, what is fact? I can barely remember what I did with myself yesterday other than roll my eyes over this drivel, but you can say for an absolute certainty what you did or did not see twenty years ago?

At the end of all things, this man is now before his Creator; whether he is facing the judgment for his crimes or is finally at peace is not for me to know. All I can say is that he was not the first to face the death penalty and he is not the last. If he was innocent, God will take care of that. If he was not innocent, God will still take care of that.

I wrote 563 words today (should’ve said something…supposa-bly.”) and I’m glad I’m to get them. Only prayer will get me through some of these thoughts I’ve got swirling through my mind.


My 14-year-old self Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — kaitco @ 11:23 pm

The other day I finished watching as much of Scrubs as I cared to watch. There was never a dip in quality throughout the first 8 seasons, but that 9th season was too much of a departure to be watched any further and so about ten minutes into the 9th season, I decided it was time to move onto a new show on Netflix (Oh, Netflix! Why doest thou dishonour me so?!) After browsing about the various shows in my queue, I settled on Ally McBeal, which I hadn’t watched since it went off the air when I was about 17 or so.

This was the one show that I’d watched from the very beginning to the very end. Every single episode, from pilot to finale. That in itself makes the show an adventure down memory lane.

In watching the first few episodes on Netflix (Oh, Netflix! Does my loyalty mean nothing to you?!) with my almost 27-year-old eyes, I couldn’t help but become 14 again in my chair. The same little crush on Gil Bellows existed as it did then and I had the greatest urge to queue up an episode of X-Files prior to watching the next episode to make the illusion complete.

Mostly, however, I was amused by how well I remembered all the words to the songs throughout the episodes. As a surprise birthday gift when I was 14, my mother had bought my “Songs from Ally McBeal” and I wore out that CD before Christmas. Even now as I write, I listen to my favorites from it. I wrote a lot of Evan and some of Alex to it around age 14 and I still love it dearly.

I wrote 541 words today (and went to Facebook) even with every part of me wanting to go back to my show.

So, I’m not sure whether it is the show on its own that sets me in a world of reverie or whether it’s the music that reminds me of the world when I was 14, but I can’t help thinking about it: Clinton hadn’t been impeached yet, Aaliyah was still making music, Beyonce was just the lead singer of Destiny’s Child, soccer was still just a niche sport that was barely gaining momentum, the Red Sox had yet to break the curse, The X-Files was still amazing and September 11th was just another day. Ah, 14…


The caffeine struggle Monday, September 19, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — kaitco @ 11:21 pm

The entire day was spent writhing in agony over my caffeine addiction. The only thing I can think of is perhaps all the memories of this struggle will serve for good writing material when I final start to write about Michael Connor.

Michael Connor…

Michael Connor will be Connor and I have very few notes on his story though tonnes of it in my memory. Connor is who I call my oldest character. When I was eight years in the third grade, our teacher made us write stories to help us learn our spelling words. Inadvertently, I not only learned to spell the words (I was already a spelling bee champ by third grade ;)), but also developed my love of storytelling. Somewhere towards the middle of third grade, I thought of a little boy with dirty blond hair who did not always do as he was told to do and I named him Michael Connor. Unlike the other characters featured in all my other stories, I wrote about Connor outside of the third grade. Into fourth and fifth grades, I continued to write little stories about him, occasionally adding new characters to his stories and at the end of sixth grade, when I started writing Evan, I kept Connor as a subsidiary character. Evan turned into a four-part series and I made sure that the last story featured Connor.

I’ve grown up writing Connor and it’s almost like I’ve watched him develop into the horror of a person he is by the time he is 18 in his own story and every time I struggle with trying to rid my body of caffeine addiction, I think of him and the story that pends with him.

I wrote 718 words today (it’s a rose, but it’s mostly dead), but I suspect much of what I’ve written over the past few days will require massive editing and lots of cuts. I suppose it’s best to just keep on keeping on and think of all the other stories I’ve got waiting once I’m finished with Damen.


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