I am kaitco

a writer's log

Thanks! I needed that. Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — kaitco @ 11:50 pm

My team at first-job threw a surprise potluck for me for Bosses Day. Technically Bosses Day was Sunday, but we have the most people here on Wednesdays, so I suppose that is why they did it then. I had thought about it yesterday since I remember some mumblings about it a few weeks ago, but I’d mentioned that I don’t like surprises and thought that might have been the end of it. Yesterday, the day after Bosses Day, I’d remember the previous mumbling and then thought sadly (only for a second) that they actually heeded my “warning” about surprises.

I woke up this morning, this very grey and rainy morning, feeling worse than I’ve felt in a long while. I remember this place, unfortunately. This is where I was almost exactly two years ago, before things at first-job started to change. This is place is very dark and sad and causes me to spend the entirety of my drive to first-job each morning in tears. I don’t know what to do to get out of this place and it makes me fall even deeper into it. It’s like I’m clawing at the walls trying to get out, but fall even deeper with each failed jump at the wall.

I was there this morning and half considered for a moment, not to go into the building for fear that I wouldn’t be able to make it through the day. As I got out of my car, I whispered a silent prayer for something to help bring me out of this and then I saw the surprise waiting for me. It was just the thing to bring me out of this place…if only for a little while.

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