I am kaitco

a writer's log

The Eternal Struggle Saturday, September 17, 2011

Filed under: Dorienne,Writing — kaitco @ 11:59 pm
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As I noted about a month ago, I never run into so many obstacles in a day as when I’m trying to follow a Christian path. This week has been the most difficult for me in terms of writing and posting and I’ve been late almost every day this week with my postings. I attribute this to the new task I’ve given myself prior to writing: studying my bible.

Never has writing become such the unwanted chore as it is now that I am studying before I actually get to write. Even this evening as I attempted to read the chapter, I could barely keep open my eyes, despite being perfectly energetic just twenty minutes earlier when I first opened my bible. Not that I want to let the conspiracy swirl in my head, but I can’t help noticing that all of this started only when I decided to study, not just read, my bible every night prior to writing.

It’s a struggle to walk the Christian path; this is neither the first nor last time I’ll acknowledge this. I think I’m just surprised at how difficult that struggle can be when it’s so easy to do the opposite. It’s so easy to just give up and move on with my life.

It’s so easy to just stop writing for a bit. It’s so easy to sleep away my life every morning and evening. It’s so easy to just let the body go and eat whatever I want, whenever I want. It’s so easy to just live life the way I think I want and just go to hell because, as often noted by one of my friends from another life, “I don’t mind going hell because all my friends will be there anyway.”

Being anything is hard. Being a writer…hard. Being a good worker…hard. Being strong in my principles…hard. Being a Christian…harder than anything I’ve ever put upon myself. But, like my mother has always said, “If it was easy, then everybody would do it.”

I wrote 539 words tonight from what I’ve said. Create…rose, though I failed in my endeavour to study prior to writing, but it’s okay…for now. Tomorrow is another day and I’ve got the determination to keep going regardless of that small whispering voice that asks me why I bother.


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