I am kaitco

a writer's log

The hypocrite Sunday, April 24, 2011

Filed under: Dorienne,Writing — kaitco @ 11:59 pm
Tags: , , , , , ,

Something fascinating occurred today of all days: I didn’t go to church. To be honest with myself, I probably had my mind made up after my 9:30 alarm went off that I wasn’t going, but I usually ignore that laziness and drag myself there in time to at least hear the sermon. Today, of all days, I didn’t.

I’m a firm believer in the idea that going to church makes you as much a Christian as standing in a garage makes you a Porsche, but I have long since acknowledged that I need to go to church. Even when I’ve tried to leave my specific church, everything in the world will rise up and prevent me from leaving. So, while I know it’s not necessarily necessary, I know I ought to go.

Many years ago, when I was more agnostic than I was Christian, my mother would take us to church at least once a year, usually around Easter. I never wanted to go back then because I thought it was all so pointless. Years later when I became an avid church-goer, I noticed the multitudes who came to church only on Easter, or Christmas or sometimes for our Watch Night Service. Try as I might to keep an open Christian heart and mind, I would still have that small voice that judged these Easter/Christmas Christians and would be annoyed that they crowded my church as they did twice a year. Today, that small voice kept me from getting ready to go to church and thus spending Easter with my family today.

I’m not sure if I feel as ashamed as I should that I didn’t want to surround myself with a “bunch” of Easter/Christmas Christians and I’ve been trying to wrap my mind around it all day. All I know for certain is that I’ve done some hypocritical things in my life, but today has reached a new Number 1 on the hypocrite charts. Perhaps next Easter will be different; perhaps this post will remind me of my hypocrisy and keep me from heading down this road in the future. Perhaps…

Since I didn’t want to go to church, I didn’t want to do any work, include write, but I suppose until my second job is my first-job, writing is still a hobby instead of a job. I managed 264 words tonight (“Oh…I was gonna say…”) and doubt I’ll make much headway on the novel this week, with a doctor’s appointment and end of the month first-job disastrousness looming, but if I do anything this week, it will be ensuring not to top my latest hypocritical moment.

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