I am kaitco

a writer's log

Define wasting a day Monday, February 14, 2011

Filed under: Writing — kaitco @ 11:59 pm
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On whole, I’d call my weekend relaxing and that’s what I’ll say if anyone asks me how my weekend was. If I’m honest with myself, however, I’d have to say much of this weekend has been a big waste.

I didn’t finish Chapter Ten and while, I’ve watched a ton of “InuYasha” and “Seinfeld” over these last 48 hours, I haven’t done anything particularly significant. On top of that, I didn’t do any housework and I blew my diet yesterday and was up .6 pounds today and will likely see more tomorrow. I’m not depressed about this weekend, but I’m not inspired much by it.

The only good I really got accomplished was going to church, which shouldn’t feel like as much of an event as it does. It should just be something that regularly happens and I shouldn’t have to pat myself on the back for getting there when I do.


I did manage to write 718 words tonight (the sound the mockingbird made as it hit the tree.), so I won’t call the day a complete waste, but then again, how do I truly define waste when I’ve spent the bulk of today watching “InuYasha” and playing the sims…?


Blue text Sunday, February 13, 2011

I’m so surprised when I come across coloured text in Damen. I had made these random insertions into the original heavy notes and coloured them blue and red to alert myself of how they belonged to a separate part of the whole text. In the last draft, I pulled all the coloured texts into their appropriate places, but I still have a bunch of them lying in wait in my “Damen reminders” file.

For some reason, I’m completely shocked when I come across these, if not because of the sudden change in colour, then because I suddenly remember why it was coloured and I’m further shocked by how well the text flows even with the blue or red text.

What frustrates me, however, is that I can’t remember why I chose the colour scheme I did. Did red mean notes? Did blue mean full prose? It doesn’t make too much sense to me…

I went to church today and sang in the choir. Pastor’s sermon really hit me today as I contemplate some terrible undercurrents at the first-job that may be just waiting to sucker-punch me. I spoke to my mother about the same today and reminded me that when waiting for a blessing, its best to keep oneself busy with other things one should be doing.

That said, I should have taken her advice to heart and written throughout the day, but I played the sims throughout the majority of the day while I edited and coded video. I managed 206 words (as the bird hit the trunk of its tree with a dull thud), but I had every opportunity to finish Chapter 10 and even break ground on Chapter 11. I suppose when I’m feeling a little down since I’m being weighed down with utter dread, I run to comfort things like old Seinfeld episodes and the sims…


Quick Saturday, February 12, 2011

Filed under: Writing — kaitco @ 11:59 pm
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I’ll make this quick, since I waited too long to get started writing tonight.

I wrote 238 words today (his own targets just moments before he shot them.) and I’m lucky to get them. I did make it to choir practice today though and had that wonderful churchy feeling that follows whenever I leave church. 🙂


Not too bad considering Friday, February 11, 2011

Filed under: Writing — kaitco @ 11:59 pm
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…I didn’t really want to write tonight.

I got to 353 words tonight (Damen felt his chest tighten when he saw them). Not even close to an accomplishment, but still something closer to the ultimate goal.

I don’t even remember writing anything last night. As a matter of fact, I barely remember what happened this evening, though I’ve got a full belly and I’m home safe, so whatever did happen, it turned out all right.

I suppose I’m just happy I wrote anything at all.


102 Thursday, February 10, 2011

Filed under: Writing — kaitco @ 11:56 pm
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On a day like today, I probably would’ve ended up with nothing written at all today. But, I made myself a promise and I’m trying so hard to keep it. I got through 102 words (to do what Zach could do with it.) tonight. I doubt I’ll be able to anything more tonight either.

I don’t even have much to say right now. I just want to stay warm and figure out a way to encode my videos properly.

Now, for some sleep and some brainstorming.


Fukai Mori (Deep Forest) Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Filed under: Writing — kaitco @ 11:42 pm
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~ Do As Infinity (2nd InuYasha ending theme)

I went home early from first-job today out of complete exhaustion and pain. I tried not to sleep because I haven’t been sleeping well and I didn’t want to sleep all day, only to screw up my already haphazard sleep schedule. It didn’t matter though; I ended up writing a little, watching InuYasha a little and sleeping a lot.

I’m still wretchedly exhausted. I just wanted to finish this chapter, but I’m so tired that I’m starting to feel that ache that runs through my body when I hit my limit.

Throughout all of today I managed to write 2505 words (wondered if Zach had been shooting his entire life.), but still didn’t finish Chapter Ten.

Maybe tomorrow…


All Apologies (Live) Tuesday, February 8, 2011

~ Nirvana (Unplugged in New York)

Confession: I love ending sentences with prepositions in dialogue “You’ve never been out here before”…It just feels so naughty and I smile a little every time I do it.

That that said, I had a beautiful thought this morning while I was writing: Oh crap! I can’t believe how well that worked out for me!!

Yesterday or really two days ago, I started to re-write the whole intro into Damen going shooting with Corey and Co. and I spent a very long time going into Damen experiencing freezing rain for the first time and then I went into this seemingly random thing where Angel drives him to school and asks him to do something different for just one day.

I had only skimmed through the upcoming parts, so I wrote all of this thinking that it would eventually need to be edited out, but at that point, I just liked the way it sounded.

I started writing today and I did a closer read of what was coming and came to the line where Angel is in awe that Damen had taken her advice. The strange this is that I can’t remember her giving him any advice in the last edit of Damen. In fact (after another read), there was no mention of advice coming from Angel at all until I randomly created it a few days ago, but here I am, with this near perfect intro to what I’m about to write.

He’s in a better mood for experiencing real weather for once, Angel has the time and opportunity to advise him of something, he unknowingly (and I can say unknowingly with complete authenticity since I didn’t even realize it at the time) takes her advise and the story is set up for some revelations. I just love it when this happens and I thank God every time it does. it just makes me feel like this really is the path He wants me to take and each little boost like this makes me feel better about myself and helps me do things I normally wouldn’t do because I’m too lazy and tired.

The only thing that brings me down a bit is that I keep getting all these blessings, but I can’t be bothered to drag myself out of bed before 11am on a Sunday to go to church.


I also have been having insane dreams lately which brought me to a search across the Internet for a thread where I posted a really insane dream I had had:

from USA forums thread: SVU Dreams Ever have an SVU dream? Tell!

Posted 30 September 2007 – 08:22 PM
I am so intrigued by this thread. I had my first SVU dream ever about two weeks ago and I still cannot figure out what, if anything, it means.

It is night and Liv and Munch are in this bar. They are standing at one of the tables because it is one of those bars with the really high tables and hardly any high chairs to use, and they are talking like they were during “Wrath” right before Liv sees the guy watching her, but there are these really huge differences. For one, Munch had blue eyes (??) and he was not responding to anything that she said. Everything he said was a quote from another episode, but they were still having a conversation nonetheless. Then, there was her. She looked so bad that I woke up from the dream still unnerved about it days later. She sounded the same, but she looked about sixty and time had not been good to her. There were massive wrinkles, especially around her lips, and she was kind of overweight, but the worst thing was her hair. It was short again (I say “again” because at that point I did not know Ms. Hargitay had cut her hair), but it was done poorly. It was so short it was almost buzzed except for the bangs that were gelled into about five or six points in the front. 😦

So, the dream was actually a dream of me watching the show, but only on some enormous screen and the “camera” pans out a bit and then Liv says she is done and has to go. The “camera” follows her and she ends up going past this small stage and she pauses in front of it. Then the “camera” shifts to the people on the stage and shows Elliot who is sitting at this grand piano and playing the heck out of it and he is singing too, only he sounds like Harry Connick, Jr. He is playing and singing and then he turns toward the “camera” and I remember thinking (in the dream) “Whoa, he sounded really flat right there.” There are also these two scantily clad women lounging on either side of him near the piano and for some reason they were eating mozzerella sticks and the “camera” even focuses on the nearest one dunking hers into some marinara sauce. Then, Elliot stops playing and smiles towards the “camera,” presumably at Liv and then I awoke.

All day the next day, I had that feeling that comes with having a really bad nightmare and I was only able to shake it off on Tuesday when I saw the premiere, but is that not the strangest thing ever? The only thing I could even understand was the part about the camera zooming in on the mozzerella sticks because that evening before the dream, I had been at the store and was really craving them. I was just staring at them in the organic food freezer case, but I walked away without them because I was annoyed that the package did not come with its own marinara sauce already. Other than that, I do not have the faintest idea what caused this dream, but I am in no rush to repeat it. Sorry for the super-long post, but this dream really freaked me out…

Above was a post from the USA forums for SVU and I searched high and low to remember where I had added this post from three and a half years ago!: http://forums.usanetwork.com/index.php?showtopic=388138&view=findpost&p=610879 I checked every little blog I remembered using around that time and then ventured into every forum I could remember using while I was writing Flight. It was an overall interesting trip down memory lane.

I think about this dream often because much later, I realized that part of the reason why Olivia seemed so ugly to me was because I was in the midst of writing the scene in Flight where she begins to cope with her new disability and turns into a really ugly person at that time.

I always come back to this dream because it makes me think about how far I go to really experience the characters, so that I can feel what they feel and then write about it. I often say lines out loud before writing them and when I was writing Flight, I would actually lay on my bed and tell myself that I couldn’t move my legs until I – frighteningly – couldn’t move them and then psyched myself back to reality so I could write those scenes properly.

This dream made perfect sense after the fact, to the point that it makes me wary of sleep and scared to delve too far into characters. I’ve got other stories that are just one line notes for now, but some of the characters are completely off it and I’m not sure I really want to go that far into it with them since I’m not sure I’m as capable of bringing myself back out of “it” again anymore.

Anyway, enough about dreams and whatever else I just had to add tonight.

I like the idea of writing a little after midnight and a little just before midnight of the next day. It get far more accomplished this way, like today, where I completed 1619 words (been Barrett land for a coupla generations.”) throughout the entire day.

I’m pumped though. It’s almost like I can see the finish line…but, like when I’m running the mile in track and I know I still have to go around one or two more times before it really becomes a finish line. Still…I’m closer tonight to finishing Damen than I’ve been in three years.


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