I am kaitco

a writer's log

All Apologies (Live) Tuesday, February 8, 2011

~ Nirvana (Unplugged in New York)

Confession: I love ending sentences with prepositions in dialogue “You’ve never been out here before”…It just feels so naughty and I smile a little every time I do it.

That that said, I had a beautiful thought this morning while I was writing: Oh crap! I can’t believe how well that worked out for me!!

Yesterday or really two days ago, I started to re-write the whole intro into Damen going shooting with Corey and Co. and I spent a very long time going into Damen experiencing freezing rain for the first time and then I went into this seemingly random thing where Angel drives him to school and asks him to do something different for just one day.

I had only skimmed through the upcoming parts, so I wrote all of this thinking that it would eventually need to be edited out, but at that point, I just liked the way it sounded.

I started writing today and I did a closer read of what was coming and came to the line where Angel is in awe that Damen had taken her advice. The strange this is that I can’t remember her giving him any advice in the last edit of Damen. In fact (after another read), there was no mention of advice coming from Angel at all until I randomly created it a few days ago, but here I am, with this near perfect intro to what I’m about to write.

He’s in a better mood for experiencing real weather for once, Angel has the time and opportunity to advise him of something, he unknowingly (and I can say unknowingly with complete authenticity since I didn’t even realize it at the time) takes her advise and the story is set up for some revelations. I just love it when this happens and I thank God every time it does. it just makes me feel like this really is the path He wants me to take and each little boost like this makes me feel better about myself and helps me do things I normally wouldn’t do because I’m too lazy and tired.

The only thing that brings me down a bit is that I keep getting all these blessings, but I can’t be bothered to drag myself out of bed before 11am on a Sunday to go to church.


I also have been having insane dreams lately which brought me to a search across the Internet for a thread where I posted a really insane dream I had had:

from USA forums thread: SVU Dreams Ever have an SVU dream? Tell!

Posted 30 September 2007 – 08:22 PM
I am so intrigued by this thread. I had my first SVU dream ever about two weeks ago and I still cannot figure out what, if anything, it means.

It is night and Liv and Munch are in this bar. They are standing at one of the tables because it is one of those bars with the really high tables and hardly any high chairs to use, and they are talking like they were during “Wrath” right before Liv sees the guy watching her, but there are these really huge differences. For one, Munch had blue eyes (??) and he was not responding to anything that she said. Everything he said was a quote from another episode, but they were still having a conversation nonetheless. Then, there was her. She looked so bad that I woke up from the dream still unnerved about it days later. She sounded the same, but she looked about sixty and time had not been good to her. There were massive wrinkles, especially around her lips, and she was kind of overweight, but the worst thing was her hair. It was short again (I say “again” because at that point I did not know Ms. Hargitay had cut her hair), but it was done poorly. It was so short it was almost buzzed except for the bangs that were gelled into about five or six points in the front. 😦

So, the dream was actually a dream of me watching the show, but only on some enormous screen and the “camera” pans out a bit and then Liv says she is done and has to go. The “camera” follows her and she ends up going past this small stage and she pauses in front of it. Then the “camera” shifts to the people on the stage and shows Elliot who is sitting at this grand piano and playing the heck out of it and he is singing too, only he sounds like Harry Connick, Jr. He is playing and singing and then he turns toward the “camera” and I remember thinking (in the dream) “Whoa, he sounded really flat right there.” There are also these two scantily clad women lounging on either side of him near the piano and for some reason they were eating mozzerella sticks and the “camera” even focuses on the nearest one dunking hers into some marinara sauce. Then, Elliot stops playing and smiles towards the “camera,” presumably at Liv and then I awoke.

All day the next day, I had that feeling that comes with having a really bad nightmare and I was only able to shake it off on Tuesday when I saw the premiere, but is that not the strangest thing ever? The only thing I could even understand was the part about the camera zooming in on the mozzerella sticks because that evening before the dream, I had been at the store and was really craving them. I was just staring at them in the organic food freezer case, but I walked away without them because I was annoyed that the package did not come with its own marinara sauce already. Other than that, I do not have the faintest idea what caused this dream, but I am in no rush to repeat it. Sorry for the super-long post, but this dream really freaked me out…

Above was a post from the USA forums for SVU and I searched high and low to remember where I had added this post from three and a half years ago!: http://forums.usanetwork.com/index.php?showtopic=388138&view=findpost&p=610879 I checked every little blog I remembered using around that time and then ventured into every forum I could remember using while I was writing Flight. It was an overall interesting trip down memory lane.

I think about this dream often because much later, I realized that part of the reason why Olivia seemed so ugly to me was because I was in the midst of writing the scene in Flight where she begins to cope with her new disability and turns into a really ugly person at that time.

I always come back to this dream because it makes me think about how far I go to really experience the characters, so that I can feel what they feel and then write about it. I often say lines out loud before writing them and when I was writing Flight, I would actually lay on my bed and tell myself that I couldn’t move my legs until I – frighteningly – couldn’t move them and then psyched myself back to reality so I could write those scenes properly.

This dream made perfect sense after the fact, to the point that it makes me wary of sleep and scared to delve too far into characters. I’ve got other stories that are just one line notes for now, but some of the characters are completely off it and I’m not sure I really want to go that far into it with them since I’m not sure I’m as capable of bringing myself back out of “it” again anymore.

Anyway, enough about dreams and whatever else I just had to add tonight.

I like the idea of writing a little after midnight and a little just before midnight of the next day. It get far more accomplished this way, like today, where I completed 1619 words (been Barrett land for a coupla generations.”) throughout the entire day.

I’m pumped though. It’s almost like I can see the finish line…but, like when I’m running the mile in track and I know I still have to go around one or two more times before it really becomes a finish line. Still…I’m closer tonight to finishing Damen than I’ve been in three years.


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