I find it poignant to mention the passing of Michael Jackson at some point as the nature of my OCD/bipolar mix nearly hit a crazed even horizon this week and, since I’ve been listening to his music for almost eight full days, it just seems right to mention him.
To say that I’m grieving is both far-fetched and an understatement to me at the moment. I can’t say I was ever one of the “off the wall,” memorable MJ fans as most of his work had been made before I was old enough to truly appreciate it, but I feel the loss greatly and, like with the passing of Michael Crichton, this even too will has worked its way into my writing.
I’ve decided to incorporate some of my favorite of his songs into Damen. I’ve only come to this decision tonight, amidst the height of my “grief-stricken” mania, and I may look back on this decision in another month and find it ridiculous, but at the moment, it’s fitting.
I’ve become completely absorbed by his music, his performances and news about his passing for the past week and even “rewarded” myself for finishing the scene where Jessie “meets” Damen with the ability to simply sit and watch a new downloaded “Moonwalker,” downloaded because too many people had the same idea I had on Netflix.
I don’t think this is really too much for me to do, afterall, I’ve incorporated SVU into Damen anyway and will find a way to add X-Files too. I have so much of myself in Damen the character that it will actually be quite fun to write him experiencing music he does not, cannot and will not understand while everyone else around him moonwalks and dances to some of the greatest music this generation has ever heard. I’ve already imagined the scenes for three of the songs, but I’m afraid I’ll have to punk out on my favorite, “Remember the Time” because, unfortunately, it’s not one that loads of people find immediately recognizable, but it’s still my favorite and must be mentioned somehow.
I have to also add how important prayer has been to me this week as I strive to maintain control of this BPD. I imagine someday I’ll “retire” from writing and sucuumb to some mind-numbing drugs to keep me from being some middle-aged woman howling at the moon in the middle of the streeet, but for now I treat this with only prayer, as most things should be. I prayed very, very hard this week for the abilty to maintain control as I get over this new obsession that is fueled by BPD. I prayed, quite plainly, that I didn’t have the time to completely lose “it” over MJ because I’ve got a novel to write and can’t afford to lose the time getting myself back together. I’m still writing like me, only now writing with my “MJ-Write” playlist continuing in the background.
So…I’m looking at the woman in the mirror now, so I’ll be able to remember the time, I beat “it” and avoided keeping my writing in the closet. I have kept the faith and know this work will be a PYT of it’s own. And, hopefully this BPD will leave me alone because I wanna be starting something with this writing endeavour of mine. 😛